Drummers and goalkeepers

If a number 9 was a lead singer, a midfield playmaker a lead guitarist, the goalkeeper would be the drummer.

Both drummers and keepers can go large periods in essential, yet by itself boring, monotony. They are rarely the star of the show and misunderstood by their peers, forming an alliance between themselves.

These unions they form often dismay when arrogant outsiders often wrongly analyse or worse criticise them

Now they can be the occasional main event. Buddy Rich, John Bonham, Buffon, Yashin. Although, this is the exception not the rule.

They range in talent as much as anyone else; from the terrible to the incredible but they are somehow different to the rest.

In a superficial way, they are often large human beings too. The goalkeeper is almost always the tallest and the biggest of the 11 and the drummer has, at least, big arms and long hair. Think Alisson and Dave Grohl. Whereas the more glamorous ends of the spectrum can be thin and wiry. Think Di Maria and Mick Jagger.

They are reactionary, not creative by nature (with some rare exceptions such as a Bonham solo or a Rene Higuita scorpion kick). Reacting to a striker’s shot or a guitarist’s melody is their bread and butter.

They also come in for the worst ridicule. Ringo Starr is the biggest joke of the four Beatles and Calamity James is sometimes David James’ nickname. In both of those cases, the jokes are deeply unfair because both obtain extremely high levels of talent but they are understandably an easier target because our expectations are higher. We ask Ringo to compete with three people who can what he can’t as a drummer; be a songwriter. We expect goalkeepers to never make errors.

This also means they can be the biggest novelty. Keith Moon’s Uncle Ernie is a silly filler song when in between Who Are You and You Won’t Get Fooled Again. A goalkeeper going up for a corner is a similar feeling; its rare so when it happens, its great. This is in their favour because if they capitalise on their time to shine, they will be remembered. Alisson’s goal vs West Brom recently was a genuine piece of great technical skill and Mitch Mitchell’s solo on YouTube has almost as much praise (rightfully) in the comments as a comment section beneath a Hendrix solo.

We are all sceptical about them. What does a goalkeeper training look like and more to the point how can it possibly take as long as an outfield player’s training? Isn’t 90% of goalkeeping easy-you just use reactions? How does a drummer tune his drums? How hard can drumming be really? There is less subtlety after all, its just right hand left hand.

However, I’d argue they can be the most interesting. Largely because they are the most alien and that secretly everyone fancies that they can do it. But they can’t and you need them as much as they need you.